Make him a loaf he can’t refuse.


Hello. I am Captain Breadbeard, the man with bread on his face. Welcome to blog number 10, and well done for making it this far!

I have moved one step closer to creating a podcast this week with the creation of a little Captain Breadbeard ditty. I hope you like it…

As you can see, I also bought a hat which felt was a step in the right direction… Well, one direction at least. But not One Direction, that would be something else.

That’s a lot of face. Sorry. Here’s something… different.

Gangster Bread. 


Donnie Brasco – Hey, Focaccia ’bout it.

Scar Face – So you wanna play dough? Say hello to my little Fougasse.

The Godfather – Make him a loaf he can’t refuse.

Loss of the Real. 

Transport yourself into the fictional world of a Hollywood blockbuster. Every object and conversation purposefully packed full of meaning and clues to take you to the next scene. But as you look closer at each piece of the puzzle you realise it belongs not only in this picture, but is part of another work of art. Another fictional world. A three-dimensional sculpture. You are caught in Baudrillard’s loss of the real. A Penrose Staircase of interweaving fiction.

You can return to the “real” world, but you’ve seen the matrix now. You’ve been behind the curtain. Nothing can be the same again. The moments you attribute to either coincidence or fate, more likely propaganda. You’re told the possibilities are endless, but pop culture has got us reading from the same song sheet.

When was the last time you said “oh, that reminds me of…”


Anyway, breathe. Just a thought.

This week in Captain’s Quarters…

  • Imagine Cildo Meireles’ 2001 installation titled Babel which is made up from radios, but instead of radios, beer cans. And naturally this new creation will be called Beerbel. Each can from a different country, and as the suffering artist, I will drink each beer as part of the creative journey.
  • Apportunity. Another word I will be submitting to the Oxford English Dictionary for consideration. Used to describe an idea which is good enough to turn into a smart phone app.

Yes Man.

I have been learning (and enjoying) saying YES to as much as possible for the last 2 months. It might be a direct question or invitation from someone, maybe seeing a poster for an event or overhearing a conversation. I’ve not gone fully Danny Wallace, but a shift in that direction. Some of the new ‘rules’ in my life:

  • Say YES as much as possible.
  • Write it down! Ideas and moments are not destined to reappear later in your mind if they are ‘good enough’. Catch it now or risk losing it forever.
  • Have a break whilst you are ahead (even ‘in the zone’) rather than waiting until you hit the wall.
  • Leave the house before midday. Otherwise the afternoon will amount to nothing productive, even if the morning has been spectacularly creative.
  • There’s nothing wrong with decaff.

28 Plays Later

Saturday involved meeting with 100 writers who took part in the 28 Plays Later writing challenge in February, and reading 28 of the plays. It was lovely to meet everyone!

One of the plays included a scene where a couple went on a first date to London Zoo, but all the animals were hiding from view. Which is exactly the first date I had with my wife! Wierd.

Also thanks to Helen for the quote which you said I should include in my blog. I agree, so here it is: ‘You can never cross the ocean until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore’ ― André Gide.

Warning! The words to picture ratio in this blog has now firmly shifted uncontrollably towards ink. I have to wake up in 3 hours time, so all I can say is sorry.


Wednesday was a day of following life’s breadcrumbs. Head up, ears open, waiting for the clues. Breakfast included overhearing potential pieces of the puzzle:

  • GIRL: ‘I’m a cafe girl in a cafe world.’ ‘I am infectiously happy today.’ ‘I look so much more attractive with a filter on.’ Who says these things? 
  • WAITER: ‘I just told that customer to have a nice gay’
  • LADY who spent a good 5 minutes saying how annoying it is getting to Gatwick from Canterbury because you can only go via london. A missed opportunity by me to gatecrash their conversation and let her know she could avoid London by going Canterbury -> Tonbridge -> Redhill -> Gatwick. Sorry Lady! 

Following a positive review, I the went to see Ready Player One. Loved it. I don’t want to spoil it, so my suggestion is you should watch it too. I really laughed loudly in the cinema at a moment in one scene which took place on the set of The Shining. I hope you do too!

I then headed to the Chocolate Cafe for a coffee and to finish a book I’ve been reading called Write. It’s a short book with a few nice keepers buried inside. The previous borrower of the book from the library clearly not agreeing, as they had defaced the back of the book near the price by writing ‘Really?!!’

Then two things occurred.

Two guys, who said they had been ‘hanging out with P Diddy’ sat next to me. Each ordered a piece of cake, but no drink. Mango and banana cake, and a green tea cake. One of them says he finally feels normal, he can no longer feel the crush of the world. The other one is Australian.

As I finished my book, one of the last sections was Russell Hoban describing the first time he went to Canterbury Cathedral. Being sat so close to the Cathedral I interpreted this as an opportunity, so said YES and headed into the crypt in search of clues.

  • Did you know Anthony Gormley has a sculpture in the crypt made from iron nails called ‘Transport’?
  • I stood quietly looking at one of the tombs for close to 5 minutes, before realising someone was sat silently behind me the whole time watching me.
  • I caught a couple stealing kisses in the herb garden. They quickly ran away on my arrival.

My path then took me out of the Cathedral and onto Burgate, and a book shop. On entering the book shop I had a ‘Loss of the Real’ (I would abbreviate to LOTR, but that could be interpretted Lord of the Rings…) moment as ‘The Power of Love‘ played on the radio, made more famous by Back to the Future, which I had just recently re-watched this week, and even more recently seen the delorian from Back to the Future used in Ready Player One.

What does it mean? Should I go back to the future?  How does one do that? David Bowie’s Space Oddity has been appearing in various places for me this week. Is it part of the same message? Should I look for the hidden meaning in this pop media network? Or does it all mean nothing?

What is the meaning of loaf, the universe and everything?

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